Funny Phrases

This post contains funny phrases that are good for kids and senior citizens and all in between.

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Really Funny Jokes

Wife Joke “Why do you look so sad?” “I wanted to drown my worries but my wife didn’t want to go in the water.” Guy Joke I heard that it is easier to find a girlfriend when you have things in common. So girls, I like to breath. Uniform Joke I heard women love a man in uniform. Can’t wait to start working at McDonalds. Woman Joke You really are the most jealous woman I know. Oh, so you know lots of other women, do you?! Car Joke My car horn now sounds like gunshots. People move out of the way much faster recently. Fridge Joke If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge? Politician Joke It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets. Grandpa Joke “Mom, can I play with grandpa?” “No, you just leave him hanging until the police comes.” Dirty Joke What is agony? You are a one-armed man hanging off a cliff. Suddenly your butt starts to itch. Postman Joke Famous last words of a postman: What a lovely dog you have! Cleaning Jo...
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Joke Of The Day

Breakup Joke If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonald's. There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid. Doctor Joke Patient: Doctor, I’m starting to forget things. Doctor: I understand. Patient: Understand what? Man Joke Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life. Suicide Joke There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt. Smelling Joke What is brown, small, and smells of caramel? A diabetic who’s been struck by lightning. House Joke I visited my new friend in his flat. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors. Hospital Joke My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital. I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering “Chun Yu Yan” over and over – and then died. I was very sad and ...
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Funniest Jokes

Cannibals Joke Two cannibals are enjoying dinner. One compliments the other, "I say, Bill, your wife really makes a great meal." Youth Joke Around 50% of our youth sees the future in a positive way. The other half doesn’t have the money to buy the drugs. Surgeon Joke How did the dentist suddenly become a brain surgeon? A slip of the hand. Parachute Joke A guy asked at a skydiving school, "If the chute doesn't open and the reserve doesn't open either, how long until we hit the ground?" The instructor looked at him and said, "The rest of your life." Mum Joke But mum, I don't want to go to America. Hush child and keep swimming. Witty Joke Q: Why did the one-armed man cross the road? A: To get to the second hand shop. Arab Joke Two Arabs sit in the Gaza Strip, enjoying a quiet pint of goat milk. One takes out his wallet and starts flipping through the pictures. - "This is my oldest son. He's a martyr. This here is my second son...
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